I'm keeping busy with helping to install the RHS Tatton garden into the hospice grounds at Louth. Yesterday we installed the tree anchors and put down the shuttering for the paths.

The <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPx0VpFu6rE" target="_blank">tree anchors</a> do exactly what the name suggests - they hold the tree's root ball to the ground so that it doesn't rock around and it gives the roots to take hold. This may take several years and the anchors cannot be seen unlike posts. The idea is that the end part of the anchor is hammered into the ground about a metre and then pulled back so it opens out. Three anchors are joined together over the top of the root ball with webbing which is tightened down.

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This learning activity was followed by shuttering the paths ready for mortaring the base which was done today.

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After a morning of mixing cement in a brisk breeze I was coated in a thick layer of cement dust and ready for a shower. We now have a few days off while the cement hardens and hopefully in the early part of next week the porcelain tiles can be stuck down and the rest of the planting completed by the end of the week, weather permitting.

This is an incredible gift from Caitlin and <a href="https://www.thriftlandscapes.co.uk/" target="_blank">Thrift Landscapes</a> as a tribute to Jane and while I'm working on the garden she is never far from my thoughts. No one wants to find themselves in a hospice but Jane approached her final days there with such an incredible strength of character - I cry every time I think of her and the way the hospice made her as comfortable as was possible. Bereavement is supposed to get easier and I thought it was but I seemed to have gone backwards. People say that given time the memories of the good times we had will bring happiness and comfort however all I feel at the moment is a huge vacuum. Sometimes it's the most trivial of things that start me off - this morning it was the toothpaste; we used to have this competition as to who would be the last to get a useable amount of toothpaste out of the tube, inevitably it was Jane because she could be really competitive. This morning there was nobody to compete with and the toothpaste was empty - stupid I know. If I can't cope with the small stuff how can I deal with the bigger things?

Don't ask me why I'm writing all this "stuff" down because I don't know the answer - self indulgence; romantic nonsense; attention seeking; depression - you decide...

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