<a href="http://pigyard.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Max-Escherapr16.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-3311" src="http://pigyard.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Max-Escherapr16-300x188.jpg" alt="Max-Escher(apr16)" width="300" height="188" /></a>I always knew life is complicated but a life of grief is exceedingly complicated. I miss Jane more than I ever imagined and there are times when I <strong>want</strong> to feel sad (downright miserable) but I also want to discover a new normal - a life without Jane. This is the first time in my life that I can do exactly what I want, how I want and when I want - this concept is scary simply because it is so totally alien. There are times when I feel a combination of guilt (for surviving), fear (at the prospect of so much freedom) and isolation (nobody to care for intimately and nobody to care for me). As you can see, it's complicated!!!

Today I had two therapies - my half mile swim this morning and an hour-long session with the bereavement counsellor so now I'm physically and emotionally exercised. I drove Jane's Smart car to both venues and listened to the CDs she put together of her favourite music. The last track was The Beatles - "<a href="https://youtu.be/SkyqRP8S93Y" target="_blank">with a little help from my friends</a>" and I have to tell you that I wouldn't have got this far without the wonderful, loving support I've had from the friends around me and those of you who have maintained contact through the website, emails, phone or WhatsApp. Thank you and may it long continue....