<a href="http://pigyard.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Shadow-of-myselfjan17.jpg"><img class="alignleft wp-image-4193 size-thumbnail" src="http://pigyard.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Shadow-of-myselfjan17-150x200.jpg" width="150" height="200" /></a>It's a strange life when one can do as one likes when one feels like it. It's a double edged sword; on the one hand it is total freedom and on the other it offers the question "free to do what?" What do<strong> I want</strong> to do? The emphasis in this brief sentence is the "I" and the "want". Whilst Jane was ill I lived a completely selfless life, doing everything for her to make her life the best it could be and now? And now I'm leading a completely selfish life - the contrast is sometimes overwhelming.

Forty-five years of being part of a tight team and now I'm the only player in the game but I'm learning to just get on with it and allow the selfish gene to come to the surface - I'm not sure I like it.

<a href="http://pigyard.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/country-trackjan17.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-4192 alignright" src="http://pigyard.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/country-trackjan17-225x300.jpg" alt="" width="225" height="300" /></a>Today I felt alone and so I kicked my arse into gear and went for a 4 mile walk. Bright sunshine and long shadows even at 10 am. When I got home I sat down with a warm cup of Earl Grey, read the news on my tablet and suddenly I realised there were tears working their way down my cheeks. There was no reason, nothing prodding me, they were just there. Maybe I was feeling frustrated by the world that we are moving into - where lies are being passed off as the truth; we can sacrifice our planet for the sake of business; and human rights are an inconvenience.

Living in far-flung Lincolnshire has its advantages - I can, if I choose to, ignore the rest of the planet but I feel sorry for the next generation who will either have to tolerate this shit or be subverted by it to fit in.