<a href="http://pigyard.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/counsellingfeb16.jpg" rel="attachment wp-att-3191"><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-3191" src="http://pigyard.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/counsellingfeb16-300x225.jpg" alt="counselling(feb16)" width="300" height="225" /></a>I guessed that my busy time over the last few days was potentially masking my emotions and things came down with a bump today. Thankfully I have the support of my close friends who were there when I needed them and my emotional crash also coincided with my visit to the counsellor.

There are so many explanations and analogies for what bereavement is and today the counsellor introduced me to yet another one which I quite like. She suggested that my grief was like a ball at the moment and I'm expecting the ball to get smaller however she said I should be thinking that the grief stays the same size and slowly I develop a life that surrounds the ball and as that life grows so the ball appears to get smaller but it doesn't. She also told me I was being too hard on myself and expecting too much - well that's who I am, I've always expected too much of myself. For me the alternative of not expecting too much is to sit, dwell, not clean myself, not feed myself, just give up - I'm not going to do that no matter how tempting it might seem sometimes; Jane wouldn't want me to do that.

My therapy this afternoon was to get into the potting shed and plant out a load of seeds - runner beans, sugar snap peas, courgettes, cucumbers, aubergines and some flowers too. I just hope I see some green shoots in the next week or two otherwise I will be very, very disappointed.