Steve, As others have already said, what and how you are feeling is quite normal and the 'words' you have been sent describe loss and grief so well.  Jane's birthday was never going to be easy to get through but you have, and it was so good that you were able to spend it with close friends. You probably feel as though you are going through a tsunami of emotions which are leaving you feeling exhausted and drained, but that again is normal.  You are grieving in your own way and you will heal in your own time. Take Care.