I hope you find your way Steve. You may not appreciate the flowers and plants as Jane did..but what you are doing is in her honour..and maybe for now that's the right thing to do.  There's not a right or wrong way to feel. But at least you feel, even if it's pain. I suppose for  while you will drift through life maybe on autopilot or having to put every ounce of effort into getting through the day. 
I cannot even imagine what it's like and people mean well with comforting words. But it's not them living it is it?
Maybe today was a good day. Maybe tomorrow will be. Just keep talking if you want to.